Archive #2 of the best sites of the week.

These are the second oldest (next) archived sites of the week, when it all began back in August of 1996.

With the internet ever changing, moving and growing, sites can appear and leave in a very short time. The RIP symbol means they either moved away from home and left no forwarding address, were abducted by aliens or are resting in peace. The decision to keep these in the archives is important. These are historic sites.

• Ad Graveyard This is the best! Applause for Jeffrey Zeldman. Here are ad campaigns that died by client sword or choked on good taste.
  
  
• Live Litterbox Camera Visit Roscoe's private domain. He claims it's in real time. I dunno about that. Don't see any dead mice or squirrels around.
  
  
• Mr. Smarty Pants Dinosaurs walked on their toes and tons of other totally useless factoids.
  
  
• Space Time Travel Machine Yikes! My eyes are rotating like protons. This site must have 200 links to make you think you've really been somewhere, though you've been no place at all.
  
  
• Punxsutawney Phil's Story The timing is perfect. Punxsutawney Phil shares his history. This whole deal has been odd since it began in 1887. Fun stuff.
  
  
• Skulls of Fate Penny has outdone herself on this one. Need to resolve a personal question? No human on earth you can ask? So, put it to a skull. Hey, why not?
  
  
• The Book of Clichés Love hurts. Plenty of other fish in the sea. Hundreds more. Handy reference for the truly sadistic.
  
  
• Ask Evil Eddie for Advice Not if you're smart you won't. Almost as humiliating as sitting in the front row for a Don Rickles' show
  
  
• Bob's Catfood Recipes Every time it seems as though we've hit the end of the weird sites, another pops up just in time. So, pop the top off this one and get ready to lose your appetite. .
  
  
• Home Appliance Shooting This is a great site. Well publicized weird without compare. If you are frustrated with your computer.. threaten it with this.
  
  
• The NunBun I heard about the image of Mother Teresa sighted on a bun about a week ago. I was sure it was a joke. It's not. But someone's laughing all the way to the bank.
  
  
• Online Wedding Chapel All The traditional charm of a Las Vegas wedding chapel, now online. Imagine the joy of watching a wedding ceremony through a 14" glass window (measured diagonally).
  
  
• Hamsterland This is a rather unusual site. The work of two roommates who are definitely a few cards short of a full deck.
  
  
• Eating Large Flightless Birds Hey, don't laugh. It's good for the heart and tasty too. What next? Alpaca burgers? (Oh... those were Alfred Packer burgers!)
  
  
• Heckler's Online Madonna's childcare tips, knock knock jokes, some unusual New Year's resolutions. A neat little collection.
  
  
• Wacky Fact Generator More fun than a Super-Soaker squirt gun. Just push the button and you get an instant obscure fact. (Hmmm. If it's REALLY obscure, and there's no one watching, how do we know these are facts?)
  
  
• The Straight Dope This E-zine answers life's little questions in a big way. Suggest you jump right to the Dec. 27th issue to learn about Deja Vu. It was perfectly clear to me. Was it good for you?
  
  
• Society to Regain Virginity An ambitious project to bring back the stars in your eyes, the innocence of youth and other stuff too. I dunno know if it's been tested and approved by the FDA.
  
  
• Desperate Dating This is a real piece of research. Although written from a woman's point of view, it could swing either way. The Stalking Tips for Beginners is a classic.
  
  
• Worms and Cockroaches Here's a Saturday double feature. One theater. Two matinees. Worms on the left. Cockroaches on the right. And, truthfully, these are both kids shows, but cleverly done.
  
  
• Emergency Medical Humor When I was in high school, I was treated to a ride in the back of an ambulance. One of the EMS techs said, "Hey, last time we got someone who looked like him, we brought him home in a pine box." I didn't find that funny... but, this is.
  
  
• The House That Windows Built Watch Bill Gate's house grow. (Actually, it looks like they haven't gotten inside the fence since August.) It's impressive all the same. Keep buying those upgrades.
  
  
• Failed New Year's Resolutions Here's input on what didn't work this year. No sense reinventing a wheel. And, for our alternative lifestyle friends... we offer the Gay Version. It isn't any more successful, but a lot funnier.
  
  
• Living Without Elmo The Tickle Me Elmo craze was one of the strangest things I've ever seen... and this site is a close second.
  
  
• Toys R Us Infringement If you dropped half your savings at Toys R Us, you'll rejoice in this obvious infringement. I have no clue whether the featured exotic trip ever took place. (Honey, I have never been to the Dominican Republic. Honest. Check my passport.)
  
  
• List of Lists This is perfect. Longer than Santa's list. Funnier than Letterman's. This will keep you busy until I return from visiting the in-laws. (I suspect I'll return with great new material :) Merry Xmas one and all!
  
  
• Spirit Web Paranormal comings and goings. Fifteen doors to spiritual reference material. You could start browsing at dark and not finish 'til dawn.
  
  
• Mad Cow Revenge Cows are smart. Cows are slaughtered by the millions. Cows fight back. So watch where you step.
  
  
• Fun with Backfires As a kids (maybe as grownups too) we used to "backfire" cars in downtown Chicago to startle folks on the sidewalk. Here's a guy who turned pro in this sport. And here's how he did it.
  
  
• Wacky Patent of the Month I happened across this and thought, "ho hum," then I read Herbert's description of his novelty key hole finder and was blown away. This is a great site.
  
  
• Lee Atwater Celebrity Death Pool Ever want to pick up the sickle and have power over life and death? Here's your chance to predict demise. It's all fun and games until someone loses their life.
  
  
• Dr. Ronald B. Baran DDS Fun with root canals, pet dentistry and other topics designed to make you feel comfortable about visiting this dentist.
  
  
• Foreskin Restoration Here goes the PG rating. Since the site was covered in the Denver Post, what the heck. This is a "must see" weird site. Very clinical.
  
  
• MafiaNet® This may be one of the most successful examples of networking and it started long before computers.
  
  
• Creation Theory Update You've heard of creationism, evolution and the 'big bang'... now there's the cyberage version. Kinda scary, too.
  
  
• All About Duct Tape Beyond hair removal, explore hundreds of handy uses for this versatile adhesive.
  
  
• Urban Vermin My kids got a new pet. It's a rabbit. It's a messy rabbit. I threaten it with this site.
  
  
• Natl. Assoc. of Amateur Elvis Impersonators Now we're on a role. This is maximum Elvis and the last you'll see of it on this list.
  
  
• Elvis in Stained Glass Extreme Elvis in stained glass. I found this in Boston. (No, it's not a site, but definitely strange enough for this list.
  
  
• Dead Men Talking/Drawing Creative contributions from Death Row. First, they wanted TV sets, now laptops. Hmmm.
  
  
• Altavista Lexicon Now, you can translate text or a homepage into other languages. Maintenant, vous pouvez traduire le texte ou un homepage end'autres langages. Jetzt können Sie Text oder ein homepage in andere Sprachen übersetzen. Ahora, usted puede traducir el texto o un homepage a otros lenguajes. Imagineway hatway histay illway doway orfay omeworkhay.
  
  
• The Myrtle Shoupe Page I don't know how to possibly describe this. First, it's great that every one is getting online. And Myrtle adds a new dimension to the web authoring community. Second, this is just plain weird. 'Nough said.
  
  
• British-American Dictionary Joining hands across the Big Pond is a bit of a stretch... especially since we speak different languages. This site helps somewhat. But don't be too concerned. The British language will soon be modified by ambitious Germans.
  
  
• Gallery of Regrettable Food Reminiscent of a vintage Howard Johnson's with hot pink bench seats, turquoise Formica and swag lamps, this site displays the most unappetizing aspects of food. (The advertising, food ingredients and preparation.) It's 100% retro and totally fun.
  
  
• Great Train Wreck Talk about twisted! No gore, no bodies, just tons of tangled trolley. Go figure? Well, heck, guess I'll share mine too.
  
  
• Stickboy! You know how everyone has those Web Ring thingies at the bottom of their pages? Do you ever look at them? I sure didn't... until now that is. I got to messing around with the Humor Ring below. First I clicked next, but nothing happened next. Then I clicked previous. I swear, it was as good as rubbing a lamp. Lookie, lookie what came up...Stickboy! and a link to the Stickboy Archive. Very primitive... like Mr. Bill. I love it :)
  
  
• Don's Boss Page Perfect timing! If you have the day off, there are so many tools included in this site, it may take a few hours of practice to master all the ways to look busy at your desk as you follow more than 350 links to very strange places on the net. Hey, it took me over two years to compile all this stuff, you can kill a couple days browsing :) What could it hurt? Now, here's your boss protection.
  
  Great recommendation pappmr. Thanks bunches.
  
  
• How to Say I Love You This is not quite the universal language, but covers all the common ones. The language site was my second choice today. First pick was the Kissing Booth. For some unknown reason it crashed early this morning. So, Happy Valentine's Day my friends. May all your kisses be hygienic. And if that worries you, here's the backdoor to an electronic smooching machine.
  
  Many thanks to Susan. Great contributions.
  
  
• Breakup Girl Having a tough time facing Valentine's Day? Dumped by your cybersweetie? Breakup Girl will come to your rescue with enough good advice to make you want to fill your ball cap with lunch. But, heck, you didn't have an appetite anyway.
  
  
• Bubble Wrap All about one of the most addictive playthings on the face of the earth. (Well, next to a couple other things this website author has written about:) Giving me bubble wrap is like giving chewing gum to a dog.
  
  Good job OpalCat! You have some great pages.
  
  
• Free Web Photo Posting Thinking of renting a little love for Valentine's? Unless you have no better way to get your name listed in a Web search engine, don't be looking for love in Saint Paul, MN. Their police dept. provides free mini Web pages to those caught with their pants down (so to say).
  
  
• The Bump Country In the spirit of coming Valentine's Day, The Weird Site of the Day proudly presents an educational program documenting the mating habits of six yet-to-be-discovered creatures. (This is second in the "Weird Romance" series... the Lewinsky Transcript, below, counts as one.)
  
  
• Monica Lewinski Transcript This is too funny. Linda Somebody's conversation with the Lady of Fame. "Hon. Did it stick to the roof of your mouth?" We're talking peanut butter folks.
  
  Thanks, David. You made the list again. Good spoof.
  
  
• Palm Reading Place your hand on the monitor and let me feel your warmth. Now, remove your hand to see your destiny. And here it is. (You will soon feel compelled to dust your screen.) Thanks, Alan. Enjoyed working with you :)
  
  
• Gobbler's Knob You got it! Happy Groundhog's Day! Visit Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania on the most important day of the year. Become part of the phenomenon and have your name forever captured on a CD-ROM. If you don't find that weird, look at the size of the .avi file of "Phil" with the dancing baby.20meg download? Oh, I'm sure lots will be going for that :)
  
  
• Supermodels in Masks Irritated by visible low-altitude pollution (SMOG)?Lots of people share your pain. Perhaps the fashions shown in this guessing game will become a trend?
  
  
• S.M.U.R.F. Red alert! Red Alert! Socialist Men Under a Red Father warning. But, for all the rest of us unsuspecting cartoon viewers, here come the cute little Smurfs. Lead by Papa Smurf, who bares a remarkable resemblance to Karl Marx. Special thanks to Elliot who gets a shiny red star for this one.
  
  
• ITSUG A site obviously done in tribute to automobile drivers in Tennessee. The International Turn Signal Users Group (ITSUG) has all the makings of a future militant group. Take their warnings seriously or pay the price. And seriously, the site reminds me of a joke about a guy who asks his Polish friend to help him check out his turn signal light. "It works. It don't work. It works. It don't work".
  
  
• Art Films Online Not quite as camp as sitting in a once-boarded-up theater to watch an underground black & white film made by college students, but close enough. The one-inch viewing screen makes you squint so much you might forget to tap off your cigarette ashes. Too cool!
  
  
• World's Longest Runon Sentence Here's your chance to get back at Herman Melville and your English lit instructor for the "Moby Dick" experience. You may contribute prose to this work as the sentence appears to go on, and on, and on. Also useful to educators to demonstrate why (.) was introduced to aid comprehension.
  
  Thanks to J. Conrad for this bit of intellectual swill.
  
  
• Crap Pictures Between you and me, you know those pictures at the end of the film roll you exposed, but that never came back from One-Hour PhotoMat? They aren't really gone, and they're not with your missing socks. Your best photography found its way here :)
  
  
• Disgruntled Housewife If there's a guy in your life who causes anguish, here's the place to unload it. And for the guys, you'll want to check to be sure you aren't listed.
  
  
• Disfunctional Family Circus Captions only you could dream up. So begin at the beginning and click on the "go" arrow. You may contribute captions at will. (They won't be used, but you can send in all you like.)
  
  
• Rectal Foreign Bodies Anyone who has ever known an emergency room physician has heard stories of foreign objects "finding" their way into the tightest places. Here's x-ray proof. A true classic.
  
  Thanks, Sue. Great to see a little competition building between site donors :)
  
  
• Way of the Exploding Head A bit cooler than the original and much-talked-about exploding head page. This one gives you a choice. Test your politics and see which ones you choose first. There will be a quiz tomorrow.
  
  Thanks, Tara (with the Tah and the Rah) :)
  
  
• Counterfeit Banknotes You got a color scanner for Xmas/Hanukkah and you're eager to try it out. This site tells you what NOT to do with your scanner, inkjet printer, and some textured paper.
  
  
• Olé Olestra! My desktop kinda barfed over the weekend from too many devices, so turning on the laptop... up popped this forgotten jewel in the bookmarks. Olestra is chemically modified fat that seems to pass right through the human body. Cool, huh? :)
  
  
• Online Pregnancy Test Big night on New Year's? Bit of a hangover? Anything else? Here's a quick way to find out.
  
  
• The Philadelphia Experiment Can molecules be realigned to make a destroyer disappear? Does Einstein's Unified Field Theory hold water? Does anyone really care? (I think not.) But have a peek anyway. Maybe you'll see something that I can't.
  
  
• Kevis Rejuvenation Is it snowing where you are? It is in here :) Get a load of this... "Researchers at Duke University discovered that castration at age 16 will cure male pattern baldness." Oh, brother does this one get deep :) Don't you believe one word from this site. We've selected it for entertainment purposes only.
  
  
• Asteroid & Comet Impact Hazard Now that the holidays are about over and we're all working on gift returns, it's time to think about the new year... looking ahead to 1998 and beyond. But will there be a "beyond"? Not if one of these babies screams through the atmosphere and gives the earth a good poke in the eye.
  
  
• Madge and Kimmy Do Christmas We're talking hairdo. And it's a Christmas special. If you have RealAudio you can listen to Madge and Kimmy in 28.8 stereo.
  
  
• Bambi Killers If I had my kids trained like Richard here advocates, they would look up in the sky on Christmas eve night and see NOT a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer, but INSTEAD, a herd of flying targets. Oh, well, at least Roger believes in eating what you kill. Wonder if Santa is naughty or tender and nice?
  
  
• Wade Johnson's Decorated Yard Christmas for Internet addicts (shut-ins). If you can't tear yourself away from your monitor, here's a glimpse of what one person is doing to keep his local utility smiling. This is also pretty classy. I was hoping to find some really weird ones, but no luck so far. Let me know if you find a stranger Christmas light display. We're also looking for homepages dedicated to lawn ornaments for use next year.
  
  
• Stomach Sculpture If art is all around us, it can be inside of us too? This site could begin a whole new category of weird: Medical-device oddities. When a surgeon is an "artist", this would be one of his paintbrushes.
  
  
• How to Speak Like a Woman I met Melanie online long before I ever thought of doing a weird links page. Now look what she/he's done. It's so enormous. So, learn all about how he became a she while you improve your telephone voice.
  
  
• The Madonna Inn Oh boy! Can you say sleazy? Just wait until you see the decor in this place. The owners are so proud of their decorating; it makes it twice the eye-opener. You'd never guess this all was done by the wife of a highway construction contractor. (Right!) If you visit you'll see life-size oils of the owners right next to a big photo of their cute yellow bulldozers. I wonder if Madonna got her name from this place? Nah, she's classier than that.
  
  
• How Many Shopping Days Left on an Aztec Calendar? It's getting close to Christmas and I've not started shopping. Am I worried? Nope. Got my handy dandy web-based Aztec calendar and, by my calculation, I don't have to go near a K-Mart for another 6 centuries (Gregorian).
  
  
• Dan Quail's Spelling Guide Dan Quayle proved to be a man of letters. Now, with talk of his return to public service, let us not forget his previous contributions.
  
  
• Bob the Anal Fissure This site is totally anal. Duhh! More than you ever cared to know about getting sick while away from home. (You don't want to ever do that.) But, this story would hurt if it happened to you anywhere. I DO want to know how Bob got from Thailand to Finland if he was being such a pain in the butt?
  
  
• What's in YOUR Name? Have you noticed how the coolest stuff is found in the cult pages? Here, the Kabalarians (a fringe group mostly made up of Eskimo mathematicians) analyze about 200,000 first names for harmony and balance. So, take a peek at your name. I found mine meant I was prone to suffer from boils, constipation, and rheumatism. Such fun :)
  
  
• Ouija on the Web Okay, Hasbro. You might be able to get this site to change its name, but we're telling it like it is... OUIJA. So just get over it, okay? Like Hasbro can own the rights to the occult or something. So, here it is. Turn out the lights, let the monitor flicker and the answers will appear on your screen.
  
  Tara, this is especially for you. You know I'm scared to death by this stuff.
  
  
• Scary Squirrel World This is pretty funny, but not too scary. The most shocking part is a welcome page that opens with a line drawing of a skunk rather than a squirrel. There's even a prairie dog in here presented as a squirrel. Now THAT'S scary.
  
  
• Escape From Knab No robots here, but plenty of money-grubbing slime creatures. This is a financial venture on a distant planet. Earn $10,000 in six months and you get a ticket home. Lose, and you'll be harvesting wigs for the rest of your natural life.
  
  
• Khep on the Web If you grew up in the era of b/w TV, you know that no matter what they say, robots are evil monsters. Well, when you control sweet little Khep (Netscape required), remember he is putting a lab rat out of a job that included room and board.
  
  
• Hairy Ben & Jerry or DIY Snowman Fun with Shockwave®. Great hand-eye coordination teasers. Warning! Do not attempt assembly while under the influence of cheap drugs or alcohol. Results may be less than satisfactory.
  
  
• Robots Do Rubic I can't do Rubic's Cube. Can you do Rubic's Cube? How can anyone do Rubic's Cube? Well Tico and Teco can. Makes me feel like a real intelligent being...NOT!
  
  
• The Alternative Dictionaries More fun with words. Learn over 3,000 different swear words in a hundred different languages through this "Internet collaborative project." An amazing collection sure to have adolescents scampering for notepaper. (Heck, Mom... gotta get em to make notes somehow.)
  
  
• Rejection Slips Life is like a ball of fire chased by a bucket of water. (You may quote me.) So, we take you from the web-haunts of a successful writer to the site of a yet-to-be-published one. These are his rejection slips. Before your lower lip drags the ground, he still has a sense of humor.
  
  
• Trivial Trivia Normally, trivia wouldn't rate being a Weird Site selection, but when there are sections on Bizarre Suicides, Unusual Deaths, and Dying Words... the site rates special attention. (Actually, the Chicago Trivia is really weird... Factoid: Mrs. O'Leary's cow was utterly innocent.)
  
  
• The MegaSite of Philip Greenspun If God is all-powerful, is it possible for God to build a website so expansive, that not even God could find all the stuff in it? If so, perhaps we should hesitate when cursing Philip Greenspun. This site offers an incredible collection of Greenspun's personal art, history, literature, technology, politics, and most of all narcissism. (I learned to spell that on his website.) Nothing is too trivial to be overlooked. Not even the brand of his mattress. (This has to be the largest personal site on the web.)
  
  
• Talk with HeX A few days ago, someone asked if they could talk to a cyber-intelligent robot online. I felt sad knowing the links we used to have here all went down. Then I felt this little tap tap tap on my shoulder. "We're still here, Vistar." Happy day! Now, I am so proud to present the "Mr. Manners" robot, HeX, and its dumb twin brother, MegaHAL. Since I know which one you'll try first, don't say I didn't warn you.
  
  
• oo It must have taken a very strange mind to dedicate a site to oo. And, it takes a lot of imagination to find the meaning. Or, this demonstrates an incredible grasp of the obvious.
  
  
• Mile High Club Well, isn't this a surprise :) Having lived in Denver, I thought this would be something completely different. (Vistar's nose grows.) So if this is the Mile High Club, what is a Million Miler? Not gonna ask : Þ
  
  
• Rip Off Advertising This is actually called Super Marketing Ads From the Comic Books, but that's misleading too. There's nothing super about spending six hard-earned bucks on a plane that is supposed to really fly and carry people, to have it arrive in the mail as a balsawood glider with cut-out people. You get the picture :)
  
  
• Mobile Homes of Mississippi They would prefer we call them "manufactured homes", but as long as they attract tornados, they will always be mobile homes to me. This is a great collection of the industry's finest. (I think I would have called this site Mobile House & Garden. The landscaping is so inspirational.)
  
  
• AnaCam With the proliferation of webcameras out there, you just knew someone would get real creative. This is by far the most weirdest of the bunch. Very cool... very clever... could be a major money maker, too.
  
  
• Exploits! Inspiration for Halloween pranksters. Ever wonder what kind of people attend Yale University? (Weee! And they call US geeks :)
  
  
• ®ėT@®Š's Webpage It's been a while since we've seen a site this crazy (as you might imagine from the title that looks more like, "The "Webpage Formerly known as Manuel's"). This is just plain weird fun.
  
  
• Stick Figure Theater If you think Wiley Coyote and Road Runner are violent adversaries, just wait till you see this. I never knew stick figures could have such intense graphics.
  
  This one's for you, Spawn.
  
  
• Be An Organ Donor No surgery required. E-mail your semi-colon to your boss or x-spouse. This is painless for everyone except the recipient :)
  
  
• Flash Mountain Disney's Splash Mountain exposed. Somehow this one upsets my early impression of the wholesome place I knew in the 1950's, but heck, with such a sterile environment, something had to give. (You can just hear the folks in Disney's photolab chuckling and management moaning over this one.) Only in California :)
  
  
• S P I R I T Seeing Xmas decorations appear in stores I realized it was close to Halloween and time to direct attention to some serious ghost hunting. This site contains everything - you - ever - wanted - to - know - but - were - scared - to - ask about paranormal investigation. And, then I got really scared when I found out that SPIRIT was headquartered right in my hometown and that there are ghosts all around here. So I'm going to hide now and never open a closet door after dark ever again.
  
  
• Greeting Card Rejects Today's site is dedicated to my daughter on her 13th birthday... these are the cards I looked for yesterday, but never found.
  
  
• Wash Me Confessions of a dirty finger. Artwork you'd usually see on the back of a semi-tractor trailer. Inspiration for longshoremen, dockworkers, and the hopelessly idle.
  
  
• AlexWarp What happens to you if you become the richest person in the world? People want to mess with your face. That's what. So here's a place where you can vent and work out all those feelings of envy and lust for billions of bucks.
  
  Thanks Sue. Yep. This is a fun one :)
  
  
• When Beanie Babies Go Bad Follow along with Snort as he falls from Grace and meets his fate. (I sure hope this page is not encouraging such things. I tuck each of my stuffed animals into bed each night.)
  
  
• The Circlemakers Yes, you too can help perpetuate the hoax. Includes a Beginner's Guide to making perfect crop circles including software to create realistic-looking images of UFO grass sculptures. Okay, simple question. I could do this with my Lawn-Boy but where do I hide the clippings?
  
  
• The Shrine of the Digital Clay Man Okay, this is a great site and a place to make peace and ask forgiveness. Just jot down your password and send it as a note. No one will see it. Right!
  
  
• Dave's Web of Lies There's so much information on the web. Much is extremely accurate. And some is just opinion or plain ol' BS. This site lets you practice your ability to discern facts from opinions. (BS is usually a sensory experience and easy to side-step.)
  
  
• Celebrity Slugfest This is a very high tech version of "Punch Rush" with incredible realism. Requires the Shockwave plugin, but oh is it ever worth it.
  
  
• Strip Tease (240K exe file) This is one of the cutest executables I've found on the net. Right up there with the Dancing Baby (1 meg avi). Strip tease is perfect to send to a macho boss or your mother-in-law. I'm not saying anything more. Enjoy :)
  
  
• Bras Direct Is nothing sacred? This retail site has a place for first timers (for whom is that intended?) and instructions on how to measure yourself. (I won't touch that one.) And worse yet, you can talk to the developers. Yikes! Kiddie porn? Well, heck, now there's no excuse for having torn underwear.
  
  
  
• Canada The Evil Empire "FACT: 80% of Canada's population is located on the border of the United States. OPINION: Canada may invade the US at any given moment." You get the picture. Canada, the land of good manners, friendly people, and hidden aggression? I dunno about that.
  
  
• Interactive Railroad Whoa! You've heard all the country songs about love gone sour, doing hard time, and slow trains... well, this is the slowest train of all. In fact, as hard as I try to carefully follow the directions, it doesn't seem to go anywhere at all. Okay, you try it. I've been assured it really works. Maybe it's a translation problem. Like between my brain and my fingers.
  Important News! I just made the silly train run. I just hate to be the last one to learn how to spell my name correctly. You know what eye mean.
  
  
• The Church of Spam Gather round brothers and sisters... here's the meat that goes between the buns. And I thought Rev_Vistar's sermons were out in left field. This is a whole new ball park.
  
  
• Teletubbies From morbid autopsy photos we jump across the Atlantic to cover a really serious issue. In fact, it is so complex, a smaller font is required. Each weekday morning at 10:15 AM in the UK, millions of little Teletubbie addicts receive a happiness fix via BBC2. (Can we get that on COMSAT? I dunno. Someone let me know.) It's become a national craze, bigger than Beanie Babies. In fact, so popular, Teletubbies fans created dozens of web pages to appease youngsters craving for more than the allotted 1/2-hour timeslot. Last week, the British Government and BBC barristers (fat lawyers with wigs) descended upon the net to shut down illegal sites featuring unauthorized Teletubbies' materials. What's the big deal? It only took a boatload of tea to create the United States. Is it possible Teletubbies could be the catalyst that frees Northern Ireland? Let's watch and see.
  
  Thanks to Moredhel who has no clue that he started all this.
  
  
• Intense Death Autopsy Photos Why in the world would someone ever create this material? Morbid curiousity? Fascination with the terror of life-ending disfigurement? This truly gross site is offered in the same spirit as an invitation to a public hanging. You don't have to look. Makes you think, though? Thanks to my seatmate on United flight 6161 (19 passenger Jetstream) who shared this. One happy flier, huh?
  
  
• The Theremin Homepage Get out! No possible way! We used to do this in college. Put aluminum foil on the TV rabbit ears and wave our hands around the antenna to make the picture turn into flowing, colored lava. Never would have guessed we were playing a recognized instrument :)
  
  
• Computer City...How They Screw Their Customers The saga of a piece of used equipment hiding in a new wrapper. This excellent field report is just part of Sarcasm.Com, a pithy poke at all that's too silly to be taken seriously. Plus, I happen to be partial to sarcasm. Nah! You would never know that :)
  
  
• farts.com I want you to know, we've been resisting getting into the subject of body gas. But, you guys are insistent. (At the rate of about three requests every week.) So here she blows. WARNING! Calling the 900 number will result in a charge that cannot be transferred to Vistar. Hell, who in their right mind would give us credit for anything :)
  
  A big ol raspberry goes out to Marrisa for this one. (Question for Marissa... as a dietitian, how do you feel about the ethics of serving beans to old folks? ;)
  
  
• The Torture King If sticking a needle through your flesh bothers you... this site will make your head swim. (If frames bother you... this site will do worse than that!) Just remember, it's only an act.
  
  
• Hog Callings Jack Daniel's redefines the meaning of "taking a little snort" in this interesting treatment. You might also call it stupid, but where I live, snorting is quite acceptable except in church. Suuuueeeee!
  
  Thanks Robert :)
  
  
• Interactive Magic I admit it. I'm easily amused. This one puzzled the heck out of me for the longest time. But, turns out it's pure slight of hand. Pretty slick though.
  
  Big hug to Susan for this one. (Someone MUST help this woman do a website, and fast!)
  
  
• House of Slime If the words slug and netsurfer seem interchangeable, this site's for you. It's an educational classic and school starts real soon.
  
  
• Find a Grave Now, from the driveways of the rich & famous, to their final resting places. This site's author has all the dirt. (Yep, that kind.) I'm truly puzzled by all these strange collections. I wonder if someone has their eye on a snip of my hair? (Just cut and paste from the pic above, okay?)
  
  A mighty big thanks goes out to Zap, who dug up this one.
  
  
• Driveways of the Rich & Famous Next time you think about letting a little crab grass sprout in your driveway cracks, remember this. You won't see any Big Wheels or car parts littering up the driveways of famous folk. (I guess I'm always gonna be one of the other... on a good day, my driveway looks like a flea market.)
  
  
• The Museum of Menstruation This one falls into the strange but true category. Did you know ancient Egyptians invented the tampon? Do you care? If so, put this on your list of places to visit in Washington, DC... What? No! It's NOT on Pennsylvania Avenue! Bad. Bad. Bad!
  
  Muchas gracias to P.D. Smith for this GREAT find :)
  
  
• Squirrel Hazing Recently, I got an e-mail note saying, "Vis, you must have squirrels in your attic." So, I looked. Son-of-a-gun, I did. And they did plenty of damage. So, I became a big advocate of Squirrel Hazing. Just remember, guard your children. Those cute little creatures are just bushy-tailed rats.
  
  
• Ingrown Toenails Suck Amen to that brother! I'm lucky. My mom insisted that toenails be trimmed off square, not rounded like a fingernail. So, I've never had to go through the agony of da feet. But, you see lots of swollen toes at the beach.
  
  This site was brought to you by S. J. Green up in Ont. Canada. Thanks for sharing :) Keep em coming folks. A site a day requires lots of input.
  
  
• Frieda & Guido's Interactive Underwear Okay, enough with the educational sites. Back to the basics. You got underwear. You send Frieda & Guido Underwear. They wear your underwear and show it on the Net. Is this a great country or what?
  
  Many thanks to D. S. Emory for the Iron Skillet cyberzine site that pointed to this jewel.
  
  
• Train Hoppers Info Guide Ever dream of chucking it all and hopping a westbound freight to points unknown? Now you can have some idea where you're heading. This neat, compact site, tells you everything about how to steal a ride in a boxcar except how to get on the train in the first place. Excuse me! But, isn't that the hard part? (Be aware, schedules may change. Consult other passengers for current arrival times. And pass the Thunderbird.)
  
  
• Art Crimes Haa! I thought this would be about art theft. Na ah! This is about the creation and placement of art in public places (aka Graffiti). Shoot, when our building was "tagged" it looked like the work of a dyslexic. If it had been of this quality, we would have left it on exhibit.
  
  
• Gallery of Advertising Parody Every day, each of us is bombarded with thousands of advertisements. Most just blow by. Only a very small number of messages break through the clutter to become memorable. This site is dedicated to the few, the strong, the invincible. (Haa! I almost wrote invisible :) The ads that are truly offensive.
  
  
• Ssireum Research Institute This sounds formal, but folks it's a front. Ssireum is Korean mud wrestling, plain and simple. So if you have a niteclub and want to pick-up a little cash on the side, here's everything you need to convince the town censors that it's a sport.
  
  
• The Amazing Story of Kudzu They tell stories about this plant in the South. It can take over your house in no time, catch runaway children and block interstate highways. This site has useful information like how to grow it and then kill it. (You can't work with this stuff unless you have an antidote.) And never, ever plant it in daylight. Your neighbors will throw rocks at you.
  
  
• Buy My In-Laws The net is such an expressive vehicle. This site says it all. And the note that came in with the nomination was so funny. "I'm dead if they see this." No Nancy, just be sure they sign model releases ;)
  
  
• My Life as a Guestbook Goddess You just knew there was an art to signing a guestbook. It can be a hoot. You can break the boredom by leaving a recipe for split pea soup, a map to your in-laws' house in Rochester, MN, or post your master's thesis. Guestbooks need your creativity. Here's a little motivation.}
  
  
• History of Home Video Games A trip back in time to Atari's Pong, Magnavox Odyssey and more. This is where the addiction began. Like taking a tour of Virgina tobacco farms.
  
  
• Rolling Debt This is not weird, it's terrifying. Watch as the national debt in the United States and Canada builds. It doesn't even slow down for weekends. All I can think of is fat cats lighting $9.00 cigars with new 100 dollar bills.
  
  
• Ego Booster Such a clever idea. Whoever created this was a genius. The page radiates goodness. It makes me feel so happy. The author deserves the highest awards. (See how it works :) Holds possibilities as a screen saver. Best used on a Friday or Monday.
  
  
• 75 Years of Band-Aid Only on a New Jersey beach would you find folks celebrating 75 years of medical waste... until now. I always liked the strips with airplanes and stars. And those empty tins were so handy for storing loose stash in college. But if Band-Aid designers were smart, they'd work on glue patterns so when you pull a strip away along with the hair on your arm, a Band-Aid logo would remain.
  
  
• Boogers Okay. You figured this out. It's an obvious page-hit ratings booster. I guess I've seen too much standup comedy. I learned that the nastier the subject, the farther the audience leans over the table to hear every word. The subject of this Weird Pick of the Day (excuse the pun) is yucky enough to knock over a few tables.
  
  
• Advanced Color Therapy There are several color therapy sites on the web. None seem to have any effect on my outlook. I even tried this fancy advanced therapy site. Still no success. Guess I'll have to invest in an SVGA monitor.
  
  
• Internet Squeegee Guy Now, through spaceage Internet connections, you can experience the thrill of the big city, even if you're living on a farm in Newton, Iowa. But, I gotta admit this is pretty lame. This guy isn't one-tenth as threatening as the street slug who coughed a big honker onto my windshield and then wanted a buck to spread it around with a squeegee (probably lifted from a convenience store fuel island).
  
  
• Sneek a Peek A secret look into the photo files at United Feature Syndicate. These are the wackos who market Dilbert on calendars, T-shirts and on the web. This is also where to look for your missing socks.
  
  
• Virtual Finger Painting Here's the place to express artistic talent through your fingertips. If you take it seriously and use the online tools provided, you could have a chance to have your art recognized internationally. When you look at what some have created using this Java-based program, you'll see having your work hung in their gallery would be a big honor.
  
  
• Museum of Surgical Science Hey, come on down folks. It's time to play "Beat the Reaper." As a contestant, you'll be given an opportunity to correctly diagnose your malady and find a cure. If you win in the "Antique Illness" game you will live to play again. But many are laid below as good medical care may be hard to find. Now let's see how well you do.
  
  
• ICQ Lies. Damn lies. If you use ICQ by Mirabis, you have certainly received some pretty weird forwarded messages. If for one second you thought you were accumulating "points" through use... stop and read this page. It's guaranteed to make you feel foolish. And, if you are one of the active forwarders, you too might make this page with your very own section.
  
  Thanks Tara. Well stated :)
  
  
• CopyKat Recipes This page didn't seem all that weird until we realized the implications of providing fastfood and chain restaurant recipes. What are these people thinking about? But, of course, American tastes are changing. Both kids and parents now prefer mass-produced flavors. So, here's everything you need recreate a watery Olive Garden alfredo sauce and many more.
  
  
• Trepanation Advocacy Group You never really know what's real and what's not on the Net. Yesterday, Howard Stern interviewed a spokesperson from this site who swears he has improved his life by boring a hole through his skull. (Kids, don't try this without your parents' okay.)
  
  Thanks Marissa. Great site recommendation, but I think I'll pass on the drilling part.
  
  
• IRS Horror Stories Woo! What could be scarier than a taxman at the door in the dark. Here's the place to report your worst nightmares. And of course it will be used by the Republican party in a bi-partisan fashion. Yep. "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you and have no private agenda."
  
  
• The Toilet Paper Another strange site in our continuing series on you know what. We must be in a rut or something. But, this particular e-zine is worth the stall time. Very well written and lots of fun.
  
  
• Dog Poo Page Extending yesterday's theme, not all creatures use a restroom. Some do tiny lawn sculptures. If you don't own a dog, this can be very offensive. I suggest scooping the "art" into a baggie, delivering it personally to your neighbor with the kind words, "Your dog left this in my yard. I knew you'd want it back." I haven't been able to locate the donor of this site. Whoever you are, I have your award right here in this baggie.
  
  
• Restrooms at Disneyland Now we take you on a tour of the facilities at Disneyland.
  Thanks Jason. I can see why you chose this site. (Uh huh.. and my nose isn't growing too much.)
  
  
• The Great Toaster Oracle As the wizard said, "You may approach the great and powerful, the all-knowing Oz." In this case, think of Oz as a repository for sliced bagels. It cooks up some really great advice. At least as good as seeking direction from the Jerry Springer Show.
  
  
• Fresh St. Petersburg This is NOT Florida, but the old northern capital of Russia. And do they ever have a sense of humor. We used to have a production manager who giggled when things got tense, so I can understand why all of Russia is laughing. This is funny, yet very sad.
  
  
• Fun With Java Script Floating in the middle of the China Sea you'll find the island of Java. If you thought Chinese water torture was sadistic, wait 'til you see this. Actually, it's the clever work of a truly unique person known as HeavenlyHoney. (Be of good humor and read her homepage.)
  
  Caps off to Tara again. She finds the unusual ones. In fact, she seems to be quite warped. Perhaps we should make her an assistant webmistress?
  
  
• The Decent of Man Nice treatment of evolutionism vs. creationism. Big pictures and easy-to-follow charts for dedicated fundamentalists.
  
  
• Vomitorium As a long time frequent flier, I too have had an interest in airsick bags, but never as a collector. The most novel use was to assist weight reduction by printing the beverage choices on the barf bag backs (short-lived idea). Hats off (the origin of the airsick bag) to the webmaster and my sympathy to his very embarrassed wife. (I wouldn't want to sit next to him either.)
  
  
• International Raelian Movement Introducing the first UFO theme park in the world. This is the official message given to humanity by people from space. Oddly enough, it's in a language we can read.
  
  Thanks Fisban. Your grandmother cooks up a great website.
  
  
• Ultimate Burrito Page I was sitting in a bar this afternoon.. yes, too long...and someone said there is NO subject you can't find on the net. So I tried. I wanted to see a picture of the world's largest burrito. And, there it is. Extra sour cream please.
  
  
• Spring Break! This site would just be another lame high tech People Magazine promotion, if they hadn't gone beyond good taste. The "body piercing" Quicktime video makes it a must see for fans of the weird and unusual.
  
  
• Li'l MissUltrasound This one is very far out. Apparently, it was set-up as a Shockwave demo site for a web development company, but never promoted...for obvious reasons. Here, you can play with a baby in the uterus, trying different outfits, sexes, races and hairstyles. A true candidate for our "All-Star Weird" list.
  
  INSTRUCTIONS: Let the Shockwave content load, then click on the words beneath the curtain to mess with the baby. The "Talent Show" is numero uno.
  
  
• Just Ask Bob Facing a major decision and needing advice? Shoot, just ask Bob. He's bright, well informed, and so witty. Bob is not just a fountain of knowledge, I'll bet he's handsome too. Love that Bob.
  
  Thanks Callie. You have a good understanding of Bob.
  
  
• Empty the Fridge A very good way to answer the question, "What's for dinner?" Simply match the contents of your icebox to the ingredients list. There are such odd things in our fridge; I'd not be surprised to find leafhoppers, or gummyworms.
  
  
• Silly Putty on the Web All this talk of Clinton's uncontrolled sexuality makes me long for simpler times. Sitting on the living room floor with the Sunday comics and an egg full of Silly Putty. Copying the image of Daisy Mae from Li'l Abner on to the palm of my hand and kneading her image into all kinds of unnatural shapes. Ah, those were innocent times.
  
  
• GPTV=Guinea Pig TV First there was The Amazing FishCam. Then there were spicey HomeCams, and now there are three little pigs hogging the show.
  
  
• Feng Shui Success Story A few years ago I was introduced to Feng Shui, a superstitious Chinese practice of building prosperity and good fortune by arranging room furnishings and even positioning your home to attract positive energy. Ellen reports Feng Shui to have extreme success. It helped get her preggers. Now, you must know the Black Hat priests are proud of this testimonial. They probably advised her to erect a flagpole in the front yard.
  
  Way to go Joe! Feng Shui is a favorite subject :)
  
  
• Alien Autopsy For hardcore X-Files fans, this site may be hard to swallow. Is it possible Agent Scully was *not* abducted by aliens, but instead the target of inquisitive polyurethane props?
  
  
• Inflatable Fetishism Nope. This isn't about the blow-up dolls you see sitting in the passenger seat of cars roaring along in the diamond lane. It's about the excitement of inflation and the thrill of being "popped". I always knew that sculpting balloon animals paid-off :)
  
  
• Odd Customs in China The People's Republic of China is a country of contrasts. Compare the modern face of Guangzhou with the strange local customs of the Liannan mountain region just 150 miles away. So "weird" can sometimes be a matter of finding a bizarre room behind a conservative-looking door.
  
  
• Spot the Slur South Park (the TV show) has generated a lot of press about encouraging the use of ethnic and racial slurs. Do you really know what a slur is? Test your knowledge here. We're still debating which is better... a low or high score?
  
  
• Newt's Herps What do the words "Newt" and "Herps" bring to mind? If you're thinking creepy crawly, slime, and low life, you take the brass ring. One in a hundred might will catch on (unless we're heavy with zoology instructors).
  
  
• Famous Peoples' B-Days One of the strangest things about the web is the way folks make lists and archive trivial information. Take this one for instance. (No, not *THIS* one, THAT one, silly!) See if you're the lucky one born on Liberace's birthday.
  
  
• Art Faux's Gallery Just when you've said, "Enough already!" Here come the really good parodies. 26 Outstanding paintings featuring Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Includes the Moni Lisa and other great masters.
  
  
• Church of the Covert Cosmos Since it's Sunday, you should be in church and not on here. Right! That never works. So let this be your church service for shut-ins (Net addicts). Very spiritual. And very weird :)
• Spit! Where does spit come from? We all know the answer to that. But where can it be used? This page has the answers. Care to shine your shoes?
  
  Wow! Lice puts two back-to-back. Good sleuth work. Thanks.
  
  
• Tucker's Weird Stuff As Tucker writes, "This site is dedicated to those who roasted ants with a magnifying glass." But, do not fear, it's not nearly as sadistic as it sounds. Just a Ph.D. candidate with a good sense of humor and not nearly enough workload.
  
  Thanks for the tip UHaveLice. You finally made it to the page, buddy.
  

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